Friday, July 16, 2010

Learning to walk again...

6 hours after I published my last blog post, something catastrophic happened. I fell down and I heard this sharp thudding sound and I couldn't move a single inch of my left leg. I was rushed to the ER and based on the xrays, the doctor relayed the devastating news that I broke my patela and I need to go for an operation. I totally whacked my left knee and the doctor had to bolt in an iron rod and screws to keep the bones intact.

Ironically, I didn't cry when the sharp pain was clinging to my knee when it happened. I guess I was too shocked to feel the pain, trying to comprehend what had happened to me. I was even awake when the doctor did the operation, I was composed when it happened. I could even guide my student, Shafiq with his PowerPoint presentation on my 2nd day at the hospital. (Btw, congrats for being one of the JSLC members!) However, I finally broke down in tears on the 4th night stay at the hospital - four hours after the operation. It was the most excruciating pain ever. I felt so helpless and I kept asking for painkillers, trying to numb the pain. My arms are now blue-black due to the massive injections. In a nutshell, I was a wreck.

Gradually, I started to reflect on my adversity and try to see how I was emotionally and physically affected by it. Then I started to open my eyes and my mind to my surroundings. I started to talk to other patients, the nurses, the doctors and from there, I was subconciously healed. I realised I was not alone, people were trying to help me and there were other patients who were experiencing ever graver situations that I was. I realised that I was too sucked into the vortex of my own melancholy that I forgot to see the flipside of this turbulous phase.

Trying to walk again would take at least 4 months, said the doctor. Even right now, I am struggling with my steps, even the simplest task of peeing is taking a toll on my life. I still need to go through series of physiotheraphy and trips to see the othopedict specialist from time to time. I still can't bend my left knee but I am still alive. Alhamdulillah.

It is such a humbling moment, I know it might take me longer than usual to walk or to get up to my feet but I am determined to do it, even if I have to fumble along the process. I know God will only test those who could endure such test, it might take me some time to realise the blessing behind this hardship but I am doing my best to pick my self together. I will go through this, stronger than before.

To all my parents, colleagues, friends and students, thank you for being there during this turbulous phase.


Rahmah said...

salam, sorry to hear of your predicament...get well soon ya

Nor Fadzleen said...

Thank you Kak Rahmah.

Anonymous said...

Get well soon Leen. Hope it wouldn't be a lasting injury. The physio sessions will test your will, but press on.

May Allah give you the strength to recover from the physical an emotional injury.

Be strong, as you have always been.

~an old friend~

Pn Sawaran Jit Kaur said...

Hope you will feel better soon. Take care...i am a teacher teaching teaching in Miri.

Jimmy said...

My girlfriend and I are thinking of teaching in either Malaysia or Indonesia after Korea. I've only just found your blog so, I've been reading it with great interest.

Get well soon and keep blogging.

Nor Fadzleen said...

To old friend,
Thank you so much for the heartfelt message. It would definitely motivate me to get better soon. Yeah, success is how hard you bounce back when you hit rock bottom :)

Pn. Sarawan Jit Kaur,
Thank you so much for dropping by and your kind words. It's nice to know another teacher :)

Hi Jimmy,
Thanks for dropping by. Do consider Malaysia, it's a lovely country that would definitely offer you and your significant one a great teaching experience. Keep in touch!

Anonymous said...

Dear Leen,

How are you getting on? Hope that the injury is getting better. Would also like to wish you and your family happy Ramadhan al-mubarak.

~an old friend~


Hi Fadzleen!

I'm really sorry to hear about your accident and that you had to undergo an operation to replace your broken bone.

My better half fell down 2 years ago and I actually witnessed her fall. She fractured her foot and had to take 3 months paid leave so that she could recuperate. Being an active lady it was hard on her. Anyway, that was water under the bridge.

Do take care. This is the time to claim "manja"from your hubby and children!

Nor Fadzleen said...

Hi old friend,
Sorry it took ages for me to reply to your comment. Thanks a lot, I really appreciate the warm thoughts!

Hi Rodney,
Thanks for the well wishes. Yeah, I'm currently pushing into my 3rd month of medical leave. Right now, optimism is the only fuel to get better. Manja eh? LOL..well it's good to have a breather from work but I can't wait to go back and teach. Keep in touch.

Anonymous said...

Dear Leen,

Thanks for replying. As they say, better late than never :)
How are the physiotherapy sessions? Hope you are making good progress.

~an old friend~